The Cessation of Memory
by RainyPiano
Summary: Okabe Rintarou can now live peacefully within the Steins;Gate worldline, Makisu Kurisu is going back to America in a week... and it seems like there is a storm on the horizon. A relatively fluffy fiction that picks up where the True End and subsequent film left off, exploring Okabe and Kurisu's awkward struggle for a relationship, and what it takes to let scars of the past heal.
1. Chapter 1

_This story takes place immediately after the events of the film "Steins;Gate Fuka Ryōiki no Déjà vu," which follows the True End of the Steins;Gate Visual Novel and anime series._

 ** _The Cessation of Memory_**

 _"_ _The flow of entangled bodies in time- whether jerky and nervous or flaming and flowing, whether both partners are in harmony or painfully out of sync or something else altogether- is communication about relationship, the relationship itself, and the means of reshaping relationship and so it's enactors."_

 _-_ _Donna Haraway, "When Species Meet"_

I am running.

Running through the back streets of Akihabara, running on and on down nameless corridors.

The world seems hazy and gray, enveloped by the harsh sound of my own breath.

Someone's hand is in mine.

 _Muyuri! Hold on… we're almost there…_

I don't look back, but I know she's with me.

I feel as if my mind has been glossed over. None of the details here matter. It's meaningless. All sense of time and place are lost to a vague sense of despair.

 _Nothing I do matters._

 _No! You have to keep trying..._

It doesn't even hurt anymore.

A sudden roar splits the air, and I stumble back as a train screeches past me. It nearly runs me over, but I don't fear for my own life anymore.

"Muyuri?!"

I turn around, and she collapses into my chest.

 _No… it's the same… it's always the same!_

I look down.

"Okabe…"

This voice isn't Muyuri's.

I can feel my pulse skyrocket as a warm, wet liquid spreads out across my chest.

 _Why?!_

 _This can't be right! I fixed this!_

The world starts to shake. Something is clawing at my arms.

I open my mouth to scream-

"Okarin?"

I open my eyes, hissing through my teeth.

Muyuri's blurry face is hovering above me, eyes wide with concern as she gently shakes my arm.

 _Shit! I feel asleep on the couch!_

"Okarin, are you ok?"

I nod, pushing myself off the couch. I quickly stand up and stretch out my limbs, cold terror of the nightmare fading as I find myself in the familiar clutter of my very own lab.

"I'm fine." I declare.

 _But am I?_

 _That **was** a dream, right? It wasn't Reading Steiner… there was nothing to trigger it… for it to happen randomly is no longer possible…_

I stand in front of the window, hand to my chin, when a voice sounds from the darkest corner of the lab.

"If all you're doing is taking naps, why dontcha go get some food? We're completely out of snacks…"

It's Daru, squatting in his usual spot at the computer.

I give a noncommittal grunt.

 _It's too hot to walk anywhere…_

But then Muyuri gets in on it too.

"A walk might help Okarin feel more awake! And Mayushi sure wants some bananas and Juicy Fried Chicken No.1…"

 _Are you serious?! Betrayal!_

I pull my phone out of my pocket.

"Hello? It's me."

"Yes, it seems that once again I am under psychological attack from an Organization agent. You'll hear from me again, don't worry." I close my eyes and a take a long breath, holding my phone against my ear.

"El. Psy. Kongroo."

I snap the phone shut and plunge it into my lab coat pocket.

"Thank you, Okarin!"

Mayuri looks up from her current cosplay project, smiling one of those warm smiles she always gets when she's getting her way. The desk in front of her is piled with sewing supplies, bits of string and scissors and cloth.

Bright summer light illuminates the scene, rushing in from the window behind me. The tiny breeze fluttering in through the open panes does little to alleviate the oppressive summer heat.

The Future Gadget Lab in the summer; peaceful almost to a fault.

 _Of course I don't really mind making a trip for snacks while the other lab mems work, but… this is a matter of principle! Who do these fools think I am?!_

"Daru!"

With flourish, I gesture at my Super Hacker.

"I request-"

Before I can even begin, Daru raises an arm up.

"But I refuse." He says firmly.

"Got a date with one of your 2D girls, hmm?" I mutter disdainfully, crossing my arms.

Daru doesn't even to turn to look me. I squint, trying to make out what has him so captivated that he feels compelled to risk inciting the wrath of Hououin Kyouma. Surprisingly, I don't see the familiar character portraits of his usual eroge.

 _It almost looks like he's chatting online with… an actual person?! And he's not on (a)channel either?!_

Too late I realize that my curiosity has driven me up to Daru's side.

"H-hey!" Daru suddenly leaps up, covering the screen with his rather large body. I leap back, assuming an offensive pose with a pointed finger.

"Daru!" I shout. "What is the meaning of this!?"

Daru's round cheeks are actually flush with embarrassment. What could cause this bizarre change his usual behavior?!

Mayuri is the one who answers me. "It's that girl he meet at Comima!" she chirps happily.

 _Oh._

I should have known. I guess I forgot; or maybe I just thought that it was too impossible to be true.

Either way, I probably shouldn't discourage him from socializing with 3D girls.

 _Even if I did… is that really Suzuha Amane's mother he's chatting with?_

 _What about déjà vu? Surely Daru doesn't remember anything about meeting his future daughter… if he did, could it potentially change the outcome of his relationship with this woman?_

 _Or could it be that their relationship comes to pass, no matter what? Could something like that be determined by an attractor field?_

"… so leave me alone for once, Okarin!"

I blink, suddenly realizing that I didn't even hear what Daru was saying. I feel a familiar tension in my jaw; I'm grinding my teeth.

"Okarin?"

I start at Maruyi's voice, snapping back to reality.

 _This_ _ **is**_ _the Steins;Gate worldline. The worldine where both Mayuri and Kurisu live. An unknown future, free of the temptation of time travel. And I'm part of it._

I swallow back nervousness, crushing the anticipation of vertigo.

Of a Reading Steiner activation that will tear me out of this worldline and into an adjacent one. A feeling that never comes.

"No matter!" I announce, recovering to strike a pose. "I shall generously grant your request! As I go in your stead, I will not fail!"

Maruyi smiles once again, tilting her head.

"Don't forget the bananas!" she calls after me as I make a dramatic exit from the lab.

As I'm turning the corner into the stairwell, I indulge a quick glance back into the lab. I see Mayuri's contented face as she sews, Daru's broad back turned towards away from the lab's interior as he focuses intensely on his screen.

I walk down the stairs and into the streets of Akihabara, passing by Mr. Braun's CRT shop, where, as usual, there are no costumers. I give a casual wave to and his only employee, Moeka, but don't stop for conversation.

 _Can't risk having "the rent" coming up again._

The street is as quiet as it is hot, sheltered from the bustle of Akiba's center only a few miles away. The sky is a shock of blue, as usual, but the density of clouds on the horizon is unusual. If we're lucky, we might enjoy an evening rain shower. I can hear the screaming of those dammed cicadas in the distance.

It's a perfectly ordinary day, and I almost can't believe it. The Steins;Gate worldline. It was literally yesterday when I about to let it all go.

 _Focus, Okabe!_

I need to grab some snacks for tonight. Bananas and Juicy Fried Chicken No.1.

 _Everything is perfectly normal, and somehow that feels like the strangest thing of all._

I gotta stop letting myself feel this way. It's pathetic.

As I walk towards the shopping district, I soon decide that my overheated body needs a break. I lean on a power pole, absentmindedly pulling out my phone. The shadows of the wires above me cast a shifting geometric pattern on my lab coat.

I thumb through my contacts, continuing to pretend that my actions are arbitrary. The cursor finally settles on the name of my choice.

 _Assistant._

I thumb the buttons on my phone nervously, memories dancing in the back on my brain. My feelings are louder than the endlessly shrieking cicadas. It is maddening.

I consider inviting her over for dinner, to hang out at the lab. I consider asking her if she wants to help me shop. I consider asking her "what's up?, and why she hasn't contacted me at all since then; only a day ago.

I consider thanking her for not giving up, for working to keep me in the Steins;Gate worldline even after I ordered her, my loyal assistant, to give up. To forget.

I consider telling her "I love you," again and again and again.

Instead, I snap my phone shut and keep walking.

It's so damn hot.


	2. Chapter 2

I almost forget the bananas.

I sigh, whole body slumping as I nearly drop my shopping bags to the floor.

The Family Mart doors swing shut behind me; sweat is beading on my forehead as the sun beats down into the crowded city. The gentle murmur of traffic and pedestrians replaces that annoying song that was playing in the convenient store.

Unbelievable. Now I have to turn around, find some bananas, get in line for the cashier again…

 _Eh, it's fine. I've got time, right?_

I loiter at the entrance. I have no idea where any kind of fruit is in this store… do they even sell bananas here?

 _Man, shows how much attention I was paying… I really hate asking for help, but I will save myself time and hassle if I just ask the cashier._

After shuffling a bit making up my mind, I cut the line and make a beeline for the register.

"Exc-"

The question catches in my throat.

"Huh?"

A familiar voice. Achingly familiar.

Makise Kurisu is at the register, handing the cashier a Juicy Fried Chicken No.1. Her eyes widen as they meet mine.

"Okabe!"

She sounds surprised. I'm surprised too.

"Assistant!" I reply, working to steady my voice. "What is a well-off Celeb Seventeen like you doing shopping at a place like this?"

She flushes with anger, dropping her frozen chicken to glare at me with not only those fierce eyes, but her whole body.

"Don't call me that in public! O-or ever!" Her eyes dart to the line of people behind us.

"Self-conscious as always, my dear Chrisssstina." I hiss, boldly pointing out this flaw of hers.

With a bang, she slams her fist on the register, causing her long chestnut hair to leap into the air behind her. I step back warily, almost lifting my hands into the air.

 _Don't shoot!_

"Ummmm… that'll be 450 yen, p-please." The voice of the cowering cashier shatters the mounting tension.

 _Ugh, now it's just plain embarrassing!_

Kirusu drops some coin, scoops up her bag, and then scoops me up right out of the store.

"Hey hey hey!" I gasp, yanking my arm out of her grip. "I'm leaving!"

We get some distance from the witnesses, regrouping by a nearby bike rack.

Kurisu leans up against it, brushing her long hair away from her face.

"Honestly…" she huffs.

I don't really know what to say. In truth, I'm completely flustered. I need more time to come up with a clever, Hououin Kyouma -caliber response…

Kurisu has her arm to her side, glaring away from me. "I was buying some snacks before I stopped by the lab. I'm not actually some rich snobby "celeb" or anything!" She lifts up her plastic "Family Mart" bag. "A-and it's for Muyri and Hashida, just so you know."

She blushes and looks away.

 _Would have been nice if she would have let us know she was getting food… now all of my effort is wasted!_ _But if I hadn't been out shopping, this chance encounter wouldn't have happened… and now it's just us two…_

"Hmmm." I nod, also turning away from her. "I knew I could count on you to keep the lab fully nourished! That's why I made you my assistant."

She's still glaring. Silent. Deadly. I feel a cool breeze at my neck; I can't be sure if it's Kurisu's rage or today's fickle weather.

"Honestly…" she mutters again, brushing my arm with her swinging hair as she turns to leave.

"W-ait!" I call, shifting my tone. "Did… you get any bananas? Mayuri specifically asked for some."

Kurisu pauses, shaking her head slightly. "Well… if it's for Mayuri… uhhh..."

I trace Kurisu's gaze back to the Family Mart as her voice trails off, remembering the startled look in the cashier's eyes as Kurisu shouted at me, the hot gazes of the people behind us... most of them are still in there...

I clear my throat. "I don't want to go back either." I say quietly.

"Huh?" Kurisu seems flustered again. "I-it's not that... it's.."

"I know a grocery place near here." I reply quickly. "But it's kind of a walk..."

"Oh, good." She says briskly. "We've got time."

I lead Kurisu through the crowded streets of Ahkiba. She keeps her distance, not making much conversation. Frankly, it's awkward. I have no idea what she's thinking.

Waiting at a crosswalk, I sigh and gaze into the darkening sky.

 _All I ever wanted was a world where Mayuri and Kurisu could be alive._

And now… I know that Kurisu wanted a world where I could be alive as well. Now Kurisu is literally at my side, and I have no idea what to say. It feels like the world is made of glass, and I'm afraid to touch it.

"Okabe?" I feel a gentle tug on the arm of my lab coat.

I suddenly hear the ringing of the crosswalk chime, joining Kurisu as we hurry to the other side. I had almost missed the crossing.

 _Ugh._

Once we are safely across, I stop and compulsively lift my phone out of my pocket.

"Yes. It's me again. That was a close call, but everything is still going according to plan. El. Psy. Kongroo."

Kurisu is ahead of me, ignoring me and vanishing into the grocery store's first floor.

 _Yikes, she's being almost as bad as Muyuri, dissolving into the crowd like that._

I fight back a dark wave of panic, knowing it's not appropriate to feel that way now. I can just find the bananas on my own. I can even head back to the lab on my own, although the thought makes me sad.

Navigating by the signs, huffing my way up some stairs, I soon find a small cart of bananas in the produce section.

 _I wonder if Kirusu's already found them…_

I grab one, turning to go.

"Seriously? That one's bruised."

Kurisu appears behind me next to the banana pile, looking smug.

I give a sly smile. "Leave it to the prevent genius girl to know a quality banana on sight."

Kurisu gives a squeak and blushes, tightening her grip on the banana she's chosen.

"You'll bruise it." I warn.

To my surprise, I don't get a banana to the face. Kurisu instead replaces her single fruit with a hearty bunch of bananas.

"Keep it up and I'll bruise _you_." she growls.

I can't help myself. She's making this too easy. "I mean… some people are into that." I mutter, just loud enough for her to hear.

This time, I get a banana to the face.

After the routine of the register, undertaken in chilly silence, our mission is finally complete. We stroll out into the city, but I'm surprised to find that the suns usual glare is softened.

Both Kurisu and I look to the gray sky with concern. Grit strikes my hands as a gust swirls across the sidewalk.

"Let's hurry." Kurisu says. "If we need to stop at my hotel to grab an umbrella, I guess we can…"

"Wait." I reply, surprised. "Isn't your hotel like a whole district away?"

We begin to walk briskly down the street, matching the pace of the other worried pedestrians.

"No, I- I got one in Akiba this time. More convenient, and a little cheaper. It wasn't so I could be closer to the lab or anything!" She speaks quickly and brushes her hair from her eyes as the wind tosses it across her face.

She quickens her pace. I glance back to the sky, confirming the coming thunderstorm.

"Eeeep!"

Kurisu suddenly barrels into me as a massive thunderclap shudders through the city, echoing off of the tall buildings. Cries of alarm fill the air as cold rain is unleashed from the angry sky in a sudden wave. Kurisu and I are completely exposed.

Almost on instinct, I lift my arms over Kurisu's body in a pathetic attempt to shield her with my billowing lab coat. She leans into me, and together we rush for the awnings of the nearby businesses. It's useless. The wind is driving the rain beneath the thin awnings, lashing against our bodies.

"Oh my GOD!" Kurisu shrieks in English over the torrent.

Some people are scrambling for umbrellas, but we have no such insurance. The futile attempts of those pedestrians end in tragedy; broken umbrellas scattered across the street.

It's only a matter of minutes before I'm completely soaked.

 _We have precious little time!_

"This way!" Kurisu shouts, clutching her bags to her chest as she rushes down the street. She seems to know where she's going, so I follow her, eyes squinting against the rain.

"Ahhh!" I yell as Kurisu splashes into a puddle, drenching me even further.

"Sor- HEY!" She nearly falls on her face as I, still rushing forward, stomp into the very same puddle and splash her rather spectacularly.

 _Whoops._

But we don't stop running. Kurisu is making some kind of hoarse noise. Out of breath, probably.

Finally, Kurisu slams into some large double doors on the side of a large building. She produces a thin card and presses it to an electronic lock on the door, which beeps and swings open.

We tumble into the lobby of some swanky hotel, gasping for breath, and dripping all over the carpet. I'm soaked to my underwear, soggy lab coat tugging at my shoulders.

"Hah, hah, hah…" Kurisu is panting heavily, just like me, leaning on her knees. "Hah, hahaha!"

I'm a little startled. Is she ok?!

But then I realize... she's laughing. She's laughing a full body laugh, eyes squeezed shut, water streaming down her flushed face. I'm gasping for breath, sopping wet and freezing, but I have to agree with her. It is pretty funny.

We didn't stand a chance.

I smile, breaking into wheezing laugher with her.

We stand in the lobby, laughing like idiots as the storm continues to rage outside.


	3. Chapter 3

I watch as rain pours down the glass, scattering the flickering lights of the city below with a steady roar. Clouds blot out any stars that might have survived the light pollution.

My phone buzzes, and I flip it open. It got a little damp, but my pocket seems to have protected it from any significant water damage.

Sender: Mayuri

Subject: RE: Trapped by the rain

Okay! Be safe, Okarin! I'm still a little sad about the snacks, but I survived. See you tomorrow! ~

I close my phone and turn away from the window, still feeling a little stunned at what's behind me.

It's a damn big room, with a king sized bed in the center of it facing a flat screen television. The décor is all this rich reddish brown color, with golden tinted place feels clean, with a fresh chemical scent. Kurisu's luggage is neatly organized on a little card table in the corner.

I turn away from the massive sliding glass door, still dripping water onto the carpet.

I'm standing in Kurisu's hotel room.

"Here."

Kurisu emerges from the bathroom, tossing me a large white towel. I catch it clumsily, immediately shoving my head into it so I can dry the hair that won't stop dripping water into my eyes.

When I come up for air, Kurisu is still standing by the bathroom door. Her expression is intense. She's removed her jacket; her white shirt is clinging rather nicely to her slender body.

I quickly bring the towel back to my face.

"I'm going to shower, so don't you DARE try anything funny." She announces.

I continue to dry my already dry face, avoiding her gaze.

"Okabe!" She says sternly. "I'm serious. No perverted stuff. You can watch TV or something. Don't sit on the bed; you're still soaking wet."

 _Bossy as ever._

I lower the towel and give a quick nod. "I'm honored to visit my assistants… humble… living quarters. On my honor as a mad scientist, I'll give this place the respect it deserves!"

 _Did she just smile?!_

Then she's gone, slamming the bathroom door shut behind her. I hear the distinct click of a lock.

I let myself breathe out again. I'm nearly shaking from the cold, yet I still feel warm.

So long as the rain keeps up like this, we're basically trapped here. Even someone as uncompromising as Kurisu wouldn't expect anybody to walk home in this storm. I avoid the temptation to peek at Kurisu's luggage; she'd _really_ hate me for that.

And I hardly want to try anything "pervy" in the bathroom… truth be told, I've already seen-

I stop myself, feeling hotter than ever in my shivering skin. I can hear the sound of Kurisu's shower over the pounding rain.

 _What a dream it would be to have her invite me in with her. That's a thing couples do, right? If we_ ** _were_** _a couple, I guess… what a vivid, tactile fantasy that is… in the shower with…_

 _Okay. Just don't go there right now._

Having managed to severely embarrass myself while being all alone, I set the towel down on the floor, finding the remote and flipping on the TV to distract myself.

Sports, cartoons, news… boring… commercials for cat food…

In the back of my mind I'm still listening to Kurisu shower. I hear the hiss of the water as she turns it off, my body now actively shuddering from my soaking wet clothes. Then there's the whine of a hair dryer. Finally, she opens the door, steam rushing into the room. I glimpse a pink nightgown under the white robe she's tying around her body, and see that her long hair is up in a bun.

"Hmmmm…" She seems relaxed, humming slightly to herself as she plops down on the bed. "That was so nice. Anything good on?"

Oh. She's talking about the TV.

"Operation Stupidify Japan is continuing in earnest." I reply cryptically.

"So, no." She says.

"No." I answer grimly.

There's an awkward pause.

I'm completely freezing. My freakin' fingers are going numb. The blasting AC in this place, while a welcome miracle of science, isn't helping.

I clear my throat.

"Kurisu…" I say, deepening my voice.

"W-what?" She leans over the edge of the bed, and I feel a twinge of guilt as I glimpse genuine concern in her eyes.

"Okabe!" she demands.

I close my eyes.

"I am… freezing. To death, I fear. Yet now is not the time for Hououin Kyouma to die!" My voice is rising, and in my excitement I get to my feet. I clench my fists.

"M-may I please use your shower?"

I don't open my eyes. I can imagine the look on her face, to be asked by this pervert to use a girl's shower right after she was in it.

 _But this is serious! I'm so cold, I can't think of anything better than a warm shower right now. Well, maybe one other thing._

I grunt as a pillow smacks into my side.

"Idiot." Kurisu mutters. "You think I would let somebody suffer from hypothermia when there's a working shower right there?"

She glares at me with those sharp eyes. "You'll have to put your old clothes back on when you get out, though! Even if they're still wet!"

I bow.

"Thank you, miss! Thank you, thank you!"

I grab my towel and let the warm steam from Kurisu's shower envelop my cold body as I enter the bathroom, relieving myself of my sodden lab coat on the towel rack.

I make sure to lock the door behind me.

* * *

As Kurisu ordered, I have to put on my old clothes when I finally let the shower release it's warm, cozy grip on me. They're damp, it's gross… I'll live.

When I step outside, I'm surprised to see Kurisu munching on the Juicy Fried Chicken No. 1 we got from the store. The smell reminds me of how hungry I am.

"That was for Mayuri…" I begin, but Kurisu shrugs, waving a chicken leg in the air.

"We need it more than she does right now. We'll buy more tomorrow. You should heat yours up."

I notice for the first time she's got a microwave in this place too. A nice, ordinary microwave. I go ahead and heat up the frozen chicken, removing it just as the microwave dings. I settle down next to Kurisu, who is now on the floor.

I hungrily tear into the chicken. As promised, it's juicy.

Kurisu watches me impassively.

"You're supposed to let it sit in the microwave for one minute."

I shrug with a mouthful of chicken. "I's hungry."

"Don't complain to me if you get food poisoning then." She replies.

We sit on the floor in front of the TV, making idle conversation as we work on our frozen dinners and watch bad late night shows. The rain continues to pour down, hour after hour. Every once and a while, me or Kurisu steal a nervous glance at the glass door.

Are we nervous that it'll stop, or continue?

I ask myself, what do I want?

For the rain to stop, so I can go back to the lab and sleep on the couch, as usual.

 _For the rain to never stop, so I can spend forever doing nothing with Kurisu._

"It's not stopping." Kurisu seems to have read my mind.

She sighs, getting up to stand at the door. She hasn't taken off that robe. It's huge on her; must be from the hotel.

She gives a heavy sigh. "If it doesn't quit within the hour, I guess…" She pauses, and I catch a hint of red on her cheeks as she turns away from me. "I guess you can s-stay the night here."

Nobody says anything.

I take out my phone.

"Yes. It's me. It appears we have a hostage situation… and yes, I AM the hostage!" I squeeze my eyes shut. "Me, a victim of the Organization... Please… don't mourn for me… Yes… I will let you know if it comes to that…"

Kurisu is glaring from the corners of her eyes.

"… El. Psy. Kongroo."

I snap my phone shut with flourish, eyes closed as I strike a pose of sheer desperation on the floor.

"Honestly." Kurisu sighs and strolls past me into the bathroom.

When she remerges, I realize she's taken off her robe. Her nightgown is awfully short… no wonder. She rushes past me, pulling the covers down on her bed and quickly sliding beneath them.

"You can sleep on the floor." She chirps.

Predictable. I still feel slightly disappointed.

"I see you have heard of my great survival skills… Christina, you must know that a mad scientist such as myself can sleep anywhere he lays his head…"

"Good." She answers quickly. "Because if I catch you e-even THINKING about the bed…"

She steadies her voice. "I'll kill you. Goodnight, Okabe."

With that, she flicks off the lights.

The room goes dark, although the uneven light from the slick glass window still filters into the room from between the curtains. The pillow she tossed at me earlier is still on the floor, so I grab that and curl up on the carpet. I really can sleep anywhere… although it still sucks to sleep on the floor.

The exhaustion from our dash to the hotel guides my body towards sleep, escaping the vortex of my feverish thoughts.

 _I'm in Kuirus hotel! How did this even HAPPEN?! She let me stay and everything! This is crazy!_

I can still hear the steady patter of the summer rain as my mind drifts into sleep.

Suddenly…

I'm standing.

I'm in dark, small place.

All I can hear is the rhythmic pulse of my own breathing, in tune with the rain. I can feel something wet and cold spreading out across my shirt.

With annoyance I rub my hand against it, wondering how I managed to get soaked again. As I lift my hand up, I see it glistening against the glow of a doorway that waits in front of me.

The liquid curling around my fingers is far too dark and thick to be water.

Slowly, painfully, I begin to realize that the fluid staining my clothing isn't cold, but very, very warm. So heavy against my chest that I have to lock my knees to stay upright. My breathing has become painfully ragged. But it's distant, as if it doesn't belong to me. It sounds like an animal in pain.

I look down. It takes ages.

Kurisu is pressed against me.

With each ragged breath I can feel more blood force its way out of her wound, snaking around the knife firmly embedded in her torso. It trickles down my arms, my legs.

I stand paralyzed as the life races from her body, each shudder like a grain of sand through an hourglass.

She's dying. Her eyes are already glazing over, tremors growing weaker. I'm watching her die. I can feel her die.

I remember.

It's my fault. It's my fault she died. It's my fault. It was me.

 _I stabbed Makrisu Kurisu._

I scream until my throat is raw.

"KURISU!"

I'm clawing at carpet, lashing my legs across the floor as I scream. I stop wailing with a gasp, heaving for air. I lurch upward, addled with confusion and pain.

 _Where am I?_

 _Which worldline?!_

I can't tell. It's dark, and smells unfamiliar. The world is carved out of menacing shadows. I brush my face, rubbing away a gush of sweat.

"OKABE! Okabe! Okabe, please!"

A voice, shrill with panic.

Someone grabs my arms and pulls me downward.

I'm looking at Kurisu.

Her blue eyes are wide, bright with terror. Her slender fingers dig into my arms. Her eyes are not glazed over with death, and her skin doesn't have a drop of blood on it. She's shaking out of surprise, not agony.

 _She's alive. Of course, of course, of course…_

I collapse into the foot of the bed, burying my face into the blankets. I can't stop the sobs from coming, squeaking and blubbering as tears rush down my face.

Even with the tingling sensation of embarrassment starting to creep up on my brain, I can't pull myself out of it. Not with that memory so fresh in my mind. Not when I can still smell Kurisu's blood on my hands.

But Kurisu is here.

Her arms are wrapped round my shoulders, hair enveloping my face as she sits over me on the bed. As I struggle to silence my outburst, I realize that she's crying too; very quietly. A fresh rush of guilt crashes into me.

Clumsily I reach for her hand, and eventually find it. I grip it tightly.

A stillness settles over us, the tears fading. We lay together, clinging to one another for what feels like a very long time.

Finally Kurisu sits up, fixing me with an intense stare. Her eyes are puffy and red from crying.

"D-did Reading Steiner activate?" She chokes, face collapsing. "I-I thought… she s-said…"

I don't really know how to reply. I squeeze her hand, forcing myself to recall what I just went through.

"… you're not meant to disappear anymore!" Kurisu cries. "This isn't right!"

I shake my head, wanting to calm her down.

I focus again. The weird way the blood changed temperature… the surreality of the whole scene… how slow I was to remember…

"No." I croak. "No, it wasn't Reading Steiner. It had to just be a dream."

I decide to explain it to her; it's the best way to convince her. The words rush out.

"Reading Steiner always comes with a distinct sense of vertigo. It feels too real to be a dream. That… that felt like a memory resurfacing as dream. A night terror, or something. It's fine. It has to be fine."

I gasp a little. I'm not if what I'm saying makes any sense, but… based on instinct, I feel as if what I'm saying is _right._

Kurisu shakes her head. "B-but that's exactly how my dreams of the other worldlines feel! Dreams that are too real to be dreams… are you sure?! Are you completely positive this isn't-"

"I'm not positive." I answer firmly. "But… I'm pretty sure."

Kurisu finally closes her eyes, leaning back and holding a hand to her chest.

"It must have been a terrible nightmare then."

A chill runs down my spine.

Kurisu has spoken of the other worldlines. Time she spent with me, the invention of the Time Leap machine, experimenting at the lab…

But she never once spoke of THAT particular wordline.

I stroke her hand in mine.

Perhaps it's so horrific that her mind suppressed it. Maybe she doesn't remember.

 _Doesn't remember what I DID to her._

I release her hand and jerk back, brushing my drying forehead.

I never want her to know. Even if, intellectually, she'll surely understand. She can't _know._

 _Maybe she already does. "Dreams that are too real to be dreams…"_

Kurisu swallows and begins to speak, voice regaining its usual confidence.

"I-it seems normal for you to experience some post-traumatic stress as result of what you lived through. Honestly, I'm a little surprised you didn't seek counseling… maybe you should do more to manage your stress."

I shrug. "Mad scientists have no need for shrinks. It goes against our very nature."

Kurisu sighs.

"Shut up. I'm worried about you, idiot."

I smile wearily into the darkness of the room.

 _That's more like it._

"It's still raining." She whispers, and I follow her gaze to the glass door.

The steady patter of rain starts to sound soothing. _This_ is my reality. Not the nightmare vision I saw in my sleep.

I hear Kurisu flop back into her bed.

I grope around for my pillow. Guess it's time to go back to sleep… although I'm not sure if I want to now. I plan on lying there and worrying, listening to Kurisu's breathing and relishing in the fact that she is very much alive.

Just as I'm about to lay my head down-

"Okabe?"

Her voice is soft and careful.

"If y-you want… y-y-you can sleep on the bed. J-just don't get under the covers, ok?"

My heart is beating so hard I can hear it in my head.

"Assistant!? Are you feeling ok?!" I blurt, realizing too late the harshness of my voice.

"Yes." She replies, and I'm in awe of how gentle her tone is.

I lay there for a second, nearly feeling sick. If I try to climb into the bed, she'll leap up and smack me, screaming "Pervert!"

I can't convince myself of a worldline where anything less happens…

I almost reach for my phone to make a "call," but instead I clench my fists and stand up. If I do that, it'll ruin the mood. I don't want her to recall the offer.

Kurisu is curled up facing to edge of the bed, covered by the blanket only to her chest. Long dark hair runs over her shoulders, forming a gorgeous contrast against her pale skin.

Her eyes are open, and I see the glimmer of tears on her face as she focuses hard on the other corner of the room.

 _She's crying again?! I_ ** _must_** _act!_

I overcome my paralysis with some effort, the whole bed swaying as I carefully lower myself unto it. Kurisu doesn't move as I lay down stiffly, mattress swinging towards my greater weight. It's much more comfortable than the floor. Better yet, it's much closer to Kurisu, whose back is currently facing me.

Carefully I scoot closer. She doesn't react.

 _That mean its ok, right?_

I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep with my heart jackhammering out of my chest like this. Worse, I hear her give a tiny sniffle as she draws her body into an even tighter ball.

I feel something give way in my chest. All of the anxiety from my dream, all of my doubts about how I'm supposed to behave in a scenario like this… it's all obliterated by an overwhelming desire to hug Kurisu.

I bring my arms around her and draw myself close, pressing my face into her hair, breathing in the scent of that citrus conditioner she uses. I curl my hand around her arm, and as I do she uncurls a little bit to press her legs against mine from underneath the blanket.

We are very warm and very close. Together.

Guess I had to live through a nightmare to find this dream.

I don't think about anything anymore. When I finally do fall asleep, it's the most blissful, dreamless sleep anyone could ever hope for.


	4. Chapter 4

A hissing sound is rushing into my ears, light screaming into my eyes.

I pull my arms closer to my body, slowly realizing that they're empty when Kurisu should be between them.

 _Where is she?!_

I open my eyes and sit up, staring at the ruffled blankets in front of me. I blink my sleepiness away, panic bubbling up inside my chest. The room is flooded with daylight, last night's storm forgotten.

"Assistant?" I call into the empty hotel room.

Kurisu leans out of the bathroom, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Good Morning." She declares in English. She then leans back into the bathroom.

 _Oh._

That sound I heard was the faucet running. Everything's fine. I was about to freak out over nothing.

I flip open my phone. 9:03 am.

 _Why does she get up so freaking early… well, I guess that's all relative._

I lay back unto the bed, hand to my forehead. I admit to myself that I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

 _What kind of relationship am I meant to have with Kurisu now?_

Before I can brood, something smacks me in the chest.

"Hey!" I lean up to see that she tossed a banana on me. Rude.

She's standing up, taking a bite of a banana herself. I'm too surprised to come up with a good "what a pervert" comment.

"Get up." She orders, keeping her eyes away from me. "I'd planned to learn some basic cosplay techniques from Mayuri today. Let's replenish our snacks and go to the lab."

I've recovered enough now.

"Looks like you've got a uh… mouthful… already." I sneer, slowly peeling the banana she gave me. I can feel a cold sweat break out as I anticipate her reaction, but it's worth it.

She stomps over, grabs my half-peeled fruit, and smacks me over the head with it as I cower.

"Hurry up, pervert." she says coldly.

"Yes, assistant." I reply in a deadpan voice, brushing chunks of banana off my shoulders. I shuffle into the bathroom, taking my dried lab coat off the hanger. It feels nice to have its weight on my shoulders again.

As I go to splash some water on my face, I see that a toothbrush, toothpaste, a washcloth, and a bar of soap have been set out rather neatly.

 _Are these Kurisus? They're plain… doesn't look like something a girl would use…_

"I set out some toiletries for you." Kurisu calls into the bathroom. "You're hygiene is bad enough without you skipping a day."

"Thanks…" I mutter, turning on the water.

I lift my head up and catch my own eyes in the mirror. My face is worried by grease, and already I need to shave to keep my stubble from getting distracting.

 _Who cares?! Einstein wore the same clothes every single day to avoid wasting any brain power on choosing an outfit! The truly gifted have little concern for appearance!_

After I freshen up, I stroll into the hotel to find Kurisu fidgeting on the bed.

"Ready?" She hops up, straitening her jacket.

"Always. But what's the rush?" I ask.

She guns for the door. "If we want to make it to the lab today, we have to beat the afternoon rains."

I sigh.

"Forecasts can be unreliable…" I reply.

Standing in the doorway, she turns back to me. I see that she's blushing.

"Besides…" She says softly. "I have to go back to America in a week."

 _Oh._

 _Is that why she's insisting on behaving so strangely?_

But I have to be honest with myself… I feel weird too. It's almost like all of yesterday was a dream. A real one, not another worldline.

Ugly flashes of that repressed memory threaten to enter my mind.

I remember the sensation of Kurisu's body so close my own, her breathing steadily fading into nothing… and then I'm struck with a more powerful memory, Kurisu's body so close to my own, her breathing steady as she falls into sleep.

Suddenly can't look her in the eyes either.

"Let's just go."

* * *

Soon enough, we're back braving the bustling streets of Akiba beneath the hot blue sky. Our spoils sway in grocery bags, and I even managed to rescue a bottle of Doctor.P.

Still walking, I take a massive swig of my choice beverage. It feels good on my parched throat, cold and carbonated.

I offer the bottle to Kurisu, who is keeping pace with me. But I stop short as I realize that she's not next to me. I quickly look behind me; relieved to see that she's stopped only a few paces away.

 _Why?_

She's looking across the street, still as a statue.

Her gaze is distant. I follow it to see that we are standing right across from the Radio Hall.

 _Oh no._

"Assistant?" I walk up to her, but she ignores my approach. We stand in silence for a moment, the crowds sliding around us as if we're a stone in a river.

"What was your nightmare about, Okabe?" She speaks in that tone that always uses when she's serious.

I swallow hard.

"N-nothing important." I wheeze.

"You don't want to tell me." She replies, still fixated on the glistening exterior of that familiar building.

I can't reply. My heart is beating up through my throat and into my head.

"Fine." She says, her trance broken. She brushes past me, shoes clacking loudly on the concrete.

I'm biting my lip.

 _What should I do?_

There's a good chance Kurisu already knows exactly what the nightmare is about. But the chance that she's unsure about it is equally strong. I don't want her to confront that "memory." But she's clearly angry about my refusal to share it.

Most of Kurisu's feelings for me are based in her "dreams" of the other worldlines, right? We don't pretend as if those memories, and the feelings they carry with them, never happened. We tried that, and it failed.

So doesn't this very same logic apply to the circumstances of Kurisu's death, something I've been denying out of necessity?

How can I accept that she died when she's alive? It's a paradox!

 _This is getting in the way! I don't have time for this! I have more important ways to spend my time with her!_ _What should I do?!_

One thing is for sure. This time, I can't ask Kurisu for help.


	5. Chapter 5

"Tuturu~!"

My loyal assistant and I stroll into the lab, Mayuri giving her usual greeting. "Ohhh!" she chirps happily. "You remembered the bananas!"

"Of course." I reply sternly.

Kurisu is smiling. She really gets along with Mayuri, and I bet she enjoys seeing her happy.

 _I feel the same._

"Well Mayuri," Kurisu says, "Guess it's time for you to teach me something!"

Muyuri gives a tiny hop of delight, and I shuffle over to Daru as the two girls gather over the table, which has been converted into a cosplay creation station for now.

"Hey." I grunt, and Daru replies with "Yo!"

That's the end of our riveting conversation. I feel out of place in my own lab. I don't really have much to do.

"If you're gonna be useless, why not do some homework?" Daru suggests, as if sensing my frustration.

"Lame." I reply slumping my shoulders.

 _Not like I have any better ideas._

I rummage through a pile of printed papers on the table, gathering up one of the articles we have to read and write a reply to.

 _No way I'm reading the ones that don't require a reply…_

Time inches by in the peaceful Gadget Lab.

Mayuri and Kurisu fret over their cosplay mess all day, and nobody can tear Daru away from his screen for even a second. He's more addicted to chatting with his 3D girl than he ever was all those 2D wives.

All I've done is mess around, trying to distract myself. Not much of a mad scientist today. I tweaked Future Gadget No.8 for a while, and now I'm trying to read that article again after about a dozen failed attempts. I've parked my butt in one of our extra pipe chairs in front of the TV.

I hear Kurisu sigh loudly.

"Who've thought cosplay was so involved… this is worse than experiments back in America!" She drones.

"Ahhh! Chris chan, don't tie it like that…" Mayuri has her hands full with damage control on Kurisu's sewing attempts.

I clear my throat.

"Assistant… while pursuing other areas of studies is admirable, perhaps you should stick to the lab." I keep the printed .pdf in front of my face, avoiding her glare.

"It takes time for the brain to establish the connections necessary for a fine motor task like this!" She clicks her tongue.

"Okarin only says that because he can't manage anything involving coordination." Daru chimes in.

 _Thanks, peanut gallery._

"But Mayuri, I really think I'm done for today."

I listen as Kurisu gathers up her things, still reading.

 _Pretending to read, I guess._

I'm aware of Kurisu standing still not too far from me, who crosses her arms and declares "Well, I'm going back my hotel."

I don't move a muscle. Tension is coiling around the room.

 _Get up. Walk her out. Help her with her stuff. Say goodbye at least._

"Bye bye!" Mauri chirps, embracing Kurisu with a surprise huge.

"Later." Daru raises a single hand.

"See you, Assistant. Good work today." I say, reciting my line flawlessly. "Also… it didn't rain this afternoon."

 _Damn it! I suck!_

Kurisu lifts her chin and glares. "You're right." She says. "Nothing can precisely predict the weather."

She stands for a moment, then turns on her heels and walks out without saying anything more. The door slams behind her.

I set the paper down on the floor with a slap, rubbing my forehead. I feel completely miserable.

When I look up, Mayuri's soft gaze is focused on me. Her brows are twisted upward in concern; an unusual expression for her.

"Okarin…" She says slowly. "Did something happen between you and Chris chan?"

 _Crap!_

I cross my arms and lean back.

"Of course not."

"Mayushi think's Okarin's not telling the truth." She answers sadly.

I need to diffuse this immediately, so I pull out my phone. "Yes, it's me. I'm being subjected to a test of my loyalties. Don't break?! You doubt me?! Pathetic- Hm?"

Mayuri is standing close to me, her tiny body dropping with disappointment. Disappointment in me, no doubt.

"Hmmmm…" she hums softly, then turns away. I'm miffed.

"If Okarin has a problem, he can always talk to Mayushi about it."

I blink.

Mayuri will never understand the complexities of the worldlines. And what, exactly, Kurisu's death on the other worldline means or doesn't mean will surely be lost on her.

But so what? What's happening between Kurisu and I… emotionally… might be something she can handle.

 _Maybe I should ask my childhood friend for help._

If I've learned anything from my time leaps, it should be that Mayuri is considerably more perceptive than she appears.

I smile to myself.

"Muyuri!" I blurt, suddenly standing up. "I request your assistance in a dangerous mission. If you would accept this quest, despite everything we've been through, everything that could happen…"

I pause for dramatic effect, and then fling my arm skyward.

"Meet me on the roof in 5!"

* * *

It's still not raining, but the sky is clotted with clouds as a sharp breeze cuts through the humidity of a warm evening. I'm leaning on the fence, gazing over the glowing cityscape as the sun sets.

"Tuturu~!"

I turn around at Mayuri's usual greeting.

"So… you came." I announce, keeping my voice dark and mysterious.

Mayuri smiles. "Of course!"

 _So upbeat, so radiant. I'll never understand how she keeps it up._

I stutter a little. I'm not sure how to begin this conversation.

Mayuri seems to understand, and gives me time to gather my thoughts. Or rather, translate them into something Mayuri can understand.

"Well…"

But suddenly Mayuri is done waiting for me.

"It's about Chris chan, right?"

I nod, feeling my neck getting hot. I still get so embarrassed when I think of other how people perceive the two of us… and that in itself is embarrassing.

Mayuri stiffens her body, facing me boldly. For some reason, I feel terror clutching at my chest. Whatever Mayrui wants to say, it is important to her. She holds her hands behind her back, the draft gently tousling her hair as those gray eyes reach into my soul.

"I think Chris chan wants you to ask to be her boyfriend."

Everything goes blank.

"ARRRGGGHHH!"

I cry out suddenly, twisting my right arm with my left as if I'm in some kind of immense pain. Which isn't too far from the truth, really. I fall to my knees, grimacing. I've done this act before, but I pour on all the drama I can this time.

"M-my right arm… now I've really lost control… this is too much… could this really be the choice of-"

"Okarin!" Mayuri is frowning, standing over me.

I suddenly remember her ferocity when I returned from my first failed trip to save Kurisu. She didn't coddle me then either; even though I was covered with blood and ready to kill myself. She drove me towards the action I had to take; she acted in my best interest even when it went against her gentle nature.

"Mayushi is serious!" She pouts. "If you don't tell Chris chan how you feel, you might lose her forever!"

Still clutching my arm, I look away from Mayuri.

I keep my voice to a whisper. "I guess this really is the choice of Steins;Gate… perhaps I have no choice…"

 _The choice of Steins;Gate._ ** _My_** _choice._

"It is Mayushi's choice too! You pretend to fight, but you are always so happy when you are together… and Chris chan is so smart and pretty, and she likes Okarin too!"

Mayuri looks down, almost melancholy. "Mayushi would be very sad for Okarin if he let Chris chan go back to America without saying anything."

 _She's right. Of course, of course..._

I stand up, pulling Mayuri into a loose hug.

"Thank you." I say quietly. "And… Mayuri…"

"Yeah?"

"What…" I swallow painfully, releasing her and standing back. "…what if something bad happened between Kurisu and I? A… a long… a long time ago. A bad accident. And we're afraid to talk about it. What about that?"

This question is so hard to ask. My throat is burning once I finish asking it.

Mayuri is silent for a moment. It occurs to me that, based on what she's witnessed in this worldline, she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"Mayushi thinks… what's past is past. You're still sad about it, but if you spend all your time being sad about what happened in the past… you'll never get to be happy about the future."

Everything that's needed to be said has already been spoken. Mayuri and I stand together on the roof while I contemplate what she told me.

 _Once again, Mayuri is the one who saves me._

We stand up there so long that I eventually feel petite raindrops on my face. The air becomes refreshingly crisp as a rainstorm visits our corner of Akiba.

"Hmmm..." I mutter to myself. "Looks like it did rain eventually."

* * *

To: Assistant

Subject: Meet me on the bridge

I want to talk to you. Meet me on the bridge tonight.

My finger hovers over "Send."

 _Can't back down now._

I send it.

"Your rice omelet is here, nyan~!"

Faris Naynnayn sets my order in front of me with flourish, winking as she holds one "paw" up in playful gesture. "Who are you texting? Faris is curious, nyan~!"

"Curiosity killed the cat." I reply.

I give a rough sigh and shove my phone into my pocket. But as I do, it buzzes.

 _That was quick!_

I'm so surprised that I forget about Faris, flipping open my phone to read the reply.

To: Assistant

Subject: RE: Meet me on the bridge

Ok. See you at 7.

I'm flooded with relief.

 _She didn't question me or anything. So much easier than I'd anticipated._

Someone breathes right into my ear. "Hmmm… who are you meeting? Is that a _girl's_ number? Nothing escapes Fari's keen eyes!"

I start, leaning back as Faris leans in close to me.

 _She's way too close._

"I-it's business." I stutter.

Faris smiles knowingly, lowering her reply to a whisper. "You're secrets are safe with me, nyan~."

"Um, I'm right here."

Daru is sitting across from me.

I used to think this maid café wasn't exactly "for" me, but I've learned to appreciate it. It has a slightly addicting atmosphere of... enthusiasm. I now enjoy accompanying Daru for lunch here. Kurisu is still with Mayuri at the lab today. Luckily for me, the girls refused food at the maid café.

Daru begins to tuck into his own omelet, still keeping his eyes on Faris.

"Can't talk to girls to their face." He taunts.

I grunt disapprovingly.

"That's the "Pot calling the Kettle black," right there." I reply, impressing them all with my precise use of an English phrase.

Faris seems interested.

"What's that mean, nyan~?"

I point a chopstick at Daru. "It means a perverted gentleman otaku has no right to criticize the mad Hououin Kyouma!"

Daru shrugs. "Who taught you that phrase?" He asks.

I lean back, picking at my food.

"Christina."

Daru narrows his eyes. He looks like he's really thinking, and it freaks me out.

"So that IS who you're texting!" He declares, sounding rather pleased with himself. Faris gives a small gasp, and smiles knowingly again.

My chopstick loudly scraps the bottom of the plate. Normally, I'd deny it outright. But something tells me that maybe I shouldn't this time.

"Perhaps." I reply, trying to sound mysterious. "And perhaps not."

My phone buzzes again. Daru and Faris stare at me expectantly.

I slowly take out my phone, leaning back and peering at it suspiciously, being careful to angle the screen away from my stalkers.

To: Assistant

Subject: Worried

I'm worried about you, Okabe. If this is some kind of joke, I'll be really mad, so don't bother if that's the case, ok?

I furrow my brow.

I guess I can't blame her for not thinking I'm ever serious. Even with those other two watching me, I type out my reply, pretending to be undisturbed by their disturbing behavior.

To: Assistant

Subject: RE: Worried

Not a joke.

I send it and put my phone back into my pocket and continue eating, as if nothing unusual is happening. That'll throw off my stalkers more than if I put on a show.

Daru sighs as Faris saunters away after a wink. My heart is already heavy with anticipation and the weight of my peer's judgment.

"Lame." Daru mutters, and part of me agrees with him.

 _I hope I can do this._


	6. Chapter 6

An annoying ad for that RaiNet anime is blaring from the giant LCD screen over the bridge, waves of shoppers passing under it as they move from one building to the next.

I sigh and lean back into the railing, enjoying the cross breeze that flows over this area.

 _I swear I've listened to that thing a dozen times. At least it's different from the one a year ago…_

I check my phone to see that the time is 6:55pm. My assistant doesn't do lateness, so I expect her to be on time. I was as anxious as I was aimless, so I got here early.

I close my eyes and wait.

I open them as I sense a shudder in the railing, turning to see that Kurisu has joined me. My heart gives a painful little somersault.

"Hello." She says, placing an arm to her side and greeting me without a smile. I am struck by how different this is from our last meeting in this very same spot.

That time, she stood over me with that haughty look on her face, sunset catching in her hair, arms squared… almost like a goddess, sent to earth to smack some sense into a misguided mortal.

It's not like she doesn't still cut a striking figure, but there's a sense of raw anticipation in her eyes that is almost scarier than the old critical confidence.

I clear my throat.

"Thanks for coming."

"Ok." She replies, looking annoyed. "What are we here for?"

I cross my arms and lower my head, letting out a long breath.

"Kuirsu… I need your help."

 _Watch her reaction closely!_

"Huh? W-with…?!"

She blushes and turns away, looking flustered.

 _Yes!_

"That's just it!" I cry, placing my hands on her shoulders. "You _remember_ , don't you? That's the déjà vu effect in action! "Operation Dellingr" can begin!"

Kurisu jerks away from me, eyes searching my face.

"What do you mean? Is this is an _experiment_ or something?"

I nod vigorously, and begin to pace.

Kurisu sends nervous glances to some disturbed pedestrians; I have no cares for such trivial matters and begin my explanation right away.

"We've both observed that people without my ability, Reading Steiner, can recall memories across worldliness. I've hypothesized that _everyone_ has Reading Steiner to some extent! But all of it has been casual observation. It's not like I can publish the results or anything like that, but…"

Kurisu holds a finger to her lips, eyes focused.

 _It seems she's hooked by the promise of an experiment! It worked!_

"You want to pin point the cause of déjà vu, and understand the phenomenon of memory along worldliness better…"

"Bingo." I reply.

She huffs, eyebrows raised. But I know her better than that. She's interested.

"It's pointless." she says, but continues before I can offer a retort.

"You and me are the only ones aware of the phenomenon. Although… I suppose it could yield insights into déjà vu as it is already understood… as being a mechanism of biology tied to shifts in temporal experience… it could even be seen as an evolutionary by-product of the development of a rational consciousness and be indicative that linear thinking is a necessity for survival…"

 _Damn! There she goes!_

"You see?" I say, grinning slightly and throwing out my arms. "It's just something that I, as a mad scientist, must understand better!"

She looks at me, eyes blazing with the passion only a true scientist can know. I love that look.

"But why this all of a sudden? You clearly want nothing to do with time travel studies anymore." she studies my face as she speaks. "And it's been a year since you found out about déjà vu. AND since you're not going to be traveling along worldliness anymore, any experimentation will be limited to this worldline, which is an awfully small sample."

 _I forgot how fast she is!_

But I'm ready for at least part of that.

"I want to study déjà vu because YOU just found out about it, and proved just how powerful it can be." I say, "As a neuroscientist, you _must_ be able to see that this research is clearly highly valuable to the future of science and the whole human race!"

She shuffles her feet a little.

"So you're doing this for me?" she says in a low voice.

I can't stop myself from feeling a little red in the cheeks.

 _That's a little too close to the truth…_

I strike a confident pose in reply to my own churning emotions. "It is the least I can do to repay my assistant for all of the hard work she's done for me. And of course, don't forget that I have my own dangerous curiosity as a mad scientist!"

She folds her arms and smiles, turning away as she brushes a long strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I suppose I can work with you again."

 _She's so damn attractive when she's focused! I wish I could hug her!_

She turns back, gaze hardened. "…although what kind of experiments do you plan to run, exactly?"

I gaze out over the shinning city, deeply inhaling the humid air. The sun is starting to inch towards the skyline.

"First of all, two factors appear to remain constant when it comes to déjà vu …"

To my surprise, Kurisu cuts me off.

"… the location, and the presence of you, Okabe Rintarou, the man with Reading Steiner."

I struggle to regain my intellectual footing.

"R-right… anyway, in order to test which factor is the most important in triggering a déjà vu, I want to see how well someone can recall a "non native" memory, that is, a memory from another worldline, with each factor alone, and combined."

Kurisu is tapping her foot. "Right, you need a control group…" She turns to me sharply. "And where are you going to get THAT?! At maximum, you could test the 8 lab mems reliably for déjà vu, but if you OR me do the testing, it automatically contaminates the results!"

"You're just playing around!" She asserts, "This isn't scientific at all, Okabe!"

I step away from her ferocious tone, but maintain my confidence.

"How you doubt me." I whisper, slowly raising my voice. "You, my skeptical assistant… you made similar claims about the Phone Wave (name subject to change)! And how did THOSE messy experiments turns out?!"

She lunges close to me, clenching her fists.

"Ultimately, I'd say they turned into an unmitigated disaster!" she yells, shrinking back as the attention of pedestrians is drawn to us again.

I give the smuggest smile I can muster. "See? You remember… you're experiencing déjà vu as if those memories where always yours on this timeline!"

She gasps slightly, gaze becoming distant as she searches her memories.

"You're right…" she says. "So you want to know what causes it… it can't be the location, if I'm standing here… can it? This isn't where we did those experiments…"

I summon a reply as she trails off into thought.

"Ah, but we haven't tested if those memories are stronger back where they happed, or if they grow stronger while I, the only human being known to posses Reading Steiner and clear memories of many worldlines, shares physical proximity with you."

She chuckles a little. "What are you suggesting as the cause in that case? Telepathy?"

"Perhaps." I say grimly. "I'm a mad scientist, after all. I cannot afford to rule anything out."

She leans back into the railing, rays of the setting sun kissing her chestnut hair.

"So…" she sighs. "Is this the first part of your so-called experiments?"

"Operation Dellingr." I correct her. "And you are correct… I also want to know how clearly an individual can recall memories with déjà vu while alone. Muyuri described them as reoccurring dreams, and so did you. But we're not dreaming. So…"

I face her, sun to my back.

"Describe to me what, if anything, happened _right here_ on another worldline."

Kurisu stiffens, clenching her fists.

 _Uh oh. Will she freak out?_

But Kurisu relaxes, and then closes her eyes.

"I…"

She opens her eyes again, staring at the sky until her gaze flickers right into mine, making me shudder inwardly.

"It was the first time I ever heard you call me by my real name. You asked me for help, and seemed like you where in a great deal of pain. You…"

She steps closer, still holding my gaze. Her voice is steady, although I can see that her body is quivering slightly. I'm frozen in place.

"… you told me about your timeleaps, about Mayuri's death, about how you could never prevent it no matter how hard you tried. I was amazed that you had hadn't given up sooner. I was horrified that you had waited so long to ask for help… I remember thinking "What an idiot!"

She breathes out heavily, and I suddenly realize that our bodies have been drawn in close. I wrench my eyes away from her vivid stare, clumsily stepping back. Kurisu looks away and pulls a hand through her hair, continuing to speak.

"… and I-I remember, I was glad… to be the one… to help you."

"Wow." I croak. "That far surpassed my projections."

She's standing there as if she's in a trance, then nods. "I remember it vividly. It was even sunset, just like now. Did you wait for this time on purpose?"

I shake my head dumbly. "Y-yeah… because… timing is an important factor to consider too…"

"Hmmm…" She sighs. "You're right, that's an obvious one. A-anyway…"

She shakes her head, quickly rubbing her eyes. "Are you satisfied? Can I go home now? How many credits do I get for being a participant, professor?" She mocks, her usual sarcasm returning in a rush.

I'm reviled.

"None, because we're not finished yet."

I turn on my heels before I can catch her reply, coat swishing behind me.

 _I'm doing an amazing job hiding my own trepidation. I need to keep this up._

"Follow me for part two of this experiment."


	7. Chapter 7

"It's getting late."

Kurisu points out the obvious as I set a swift pace across the city, as if trying to beat the sun to the horizon.

"I know." I reply curtly. "That's what we want."

I am very worried for part two of the experiment.

The purplish glow of the encroaching dusk vanishes behind us as we duck into the air conditioned embrace of a vast, gray building, footsteps echoing up a long stairwell.

"Wait. Why HERE?" Kurisu announces incredulously.

 _Why indeed…_

A massive 1 is painted on the wall next to us. I avoided the shopping centers of this place, slipping in just as it is about to close.

 _Everything is on time and according to plan…_

Kuris and I are standing on the bottom floor of the Radio Hall.

I expected to be violently nervous, but I feel a chilly calm instead. It's almost worse than a pounding heart and the sweats.

 _Is this going to bring Kuirsu and I any kind of relief?_

 _It doesn't matter. It's happening._

"Tell me. Why HERE?" Kurisu's voice is magnified by the empty stairwell.

I jump, turning to face her fury with that sterile calm I've unearthed within myself. "Because I want to test déjà vu. Even if a powerful memory from the current worldliness exists for someone… can another powerful memory from another worldline still be recalled?"

I don't wait for her reply. I head for the stairs, shoulders locked as I listen to the echo of my own determined footsteps.

"Okabe!" I hear Kurisu call after me, her voice raw.

 _I have to do this!_

I keep walking until I can hear her come after me.

Floor 2… Floor 3…

"Okabe, stop! Wait!"

 _Floor 4… Floor 5…_

"We shouldn't be in here now…"

 _Floor 6… Floor 7…_

"Okabe! Please!"

Floor 8.

The door to the closet is shut, but I can see beyond it behind my own eyes.

I'm facing that dreaded utility closet, chest heaving. I really sprinted up those stairs.

The red color of the blood is what really stuck with me when I first saw it. The first time I'd seen a dead body, but by no means the last.

 _I remember feeling a kind of placeless guilty behind the shock. Now I know why…was that some kind of reverse déjà vu?_

I feel that cold, determined indifference start to melt, a searing heat spreading inside my chest. I grind my teeth, suppressing a whimper.

"OKABE!"

Kurisu rushes up besides me, nearly knocking me down.

"Why…" she pants, but her breath evens out as she faces the closed door with me.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye. She clenches her fists, shuddering a little.

 _I bet she remembers it. All of it._

I end the silence.

"What can you remember about this place?"

She shakes her head. "You're terrible." She chokes.

I make an involuntary grunt in my throat.

"What-" I begin but she doesn't let me finish.

"This is what you dreamed about then huh?" she says. "You couldn't just _tell me._ What do you want from this?" She asks, voice shaking with what must be anger.

"Do you really think I didn't remember?" she says hoarsely.

The heat in my chest is eating a hole straight through me.

"I… how could I be sure…?"

"You IDIOT!" she snarls. "Do you want me to _forgive_ you or something?!"

 _No, that's not it at all!_

"No…" My voice is frail. Kurisu continues to speak.

"I can't choose to forget what happened on other worldlines. It's all a part of me if I like it or not." she says, her voice steady now. "But you DID choose THIS worldline, the one we are standing in, alive. To us, déjà vu is nothing but an echo of the past. We are not bound to it unless we choose to be."

Her voice breaks as she presses her face into my arm. I want to turn and embrace her, but the hole in my chest won't let me. We stand in a dread silence for about a minute until Kurisu steps back and begins to speak again.

"Here on the eight floor of the Radio Hall, you saved me from my father."

She takes in a shuddering breath.

"He was agitated and deranged, and even though he stabbed you in a fit of rage, you chased him off. I passed out, and when I woke up I was laying in a puddle of blood. I was horrified, but I soon realized it wasn't my blood. It was the blood of the stranger who had helped me escape my father's madness."

Kurisu faces that cursed door. Her voice is soft now.

"Before that, I told somebody who cared about me to let me go for the good of others. But he didn't give up, and found another path. His own path."

She sighs.

"That's what happened here."

That hole is my chest has collapsed now.

 _I'm such an idiot. I was only thinking of my own feelings. I wanted to make assuage my guilt by confronting this memory… to end my own confusion… and I hurt Kurisu in the process. Kurisu, who had already come to terms with it all!_

Even so, I want to ask, "Is that all?!" I really want to say those words. To know for _sure._

But it's pointless.

 _We are not bound to déjà vu unless we choose to be._

I swallow, trying to clear my throat.

"I…"

"You did the same thing for me. I'm sorry, Kuirsu. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." She snaps. "You could have just talked to me about it instead of setting up this… experiment."

She pouts. "You tricked me…"

I feel the sting of her reproach.

"N-not exactly!" I stutter. "Déjà vu is a fascinating subject for any mad scientist!"

My voice falls away into a whisper. "I just… I was afraid…"

Kurisu sniffles a little, fidgeting. She's staring away from me and the door, but a glare is a glare.

"Ugh. I need some fresh air." She mutters.

"Let's go to the roof?" I say in a tiny voice, the thought crossing my lips before I can even process it.

"The roof…" she says, eyes growing distant again.

"That sounds nice, actually."

* * *

Kuris is laying on the roof of the Radio Hall, arms spread out like she's trying to make a concrete snow angel. She must be thinking hard about something.

I stand away from her, overlooking the city from our perch on the building. It's bathed in moonlight, sharp edges of the buildings flush against the soft glow of streetlights that stain the bottom of the sky yellow. Once again, rainclouds dash across the scene, occasionally blotting out the moonlight.

"I'm going back to America in 5 days."

I flinch as Kurisu suddenly makes this unsolicited announcement.

"I know?" I reply, not hiding my surprise. "So?"

"So?!"

Kurisu leans up, face smarting with anger.

"So does that matter at all to you?!"

Damn, now I'm feeling that heat in my chest again. What does she want from me?!

Mayrui's voice echoes in my head; another unwelcome, terrifying memory.

 _"_ _I think Chris chan wants you to ask to be her boyfriend."_

Now I can't feel much of anything at all.

Suddenly Kurisu is on her feet, standing close. I can smell that distinct citrus scent on her hair.

"Will you even miss me?" she demands.

I blink.

 _Um, yes. Terribly._

"I…"

Kurisu turns away. "You only think of the past. A sad, sad man with incurable PTSD. I can't rely on a person like that for the future."

 _Now that stings!_

"Wait a minute!" I cry, reaching out a hand as she backs away. "That is not true, Kurisu! I want nothing, _nothing_ more than a future with you!"

The words tumble out. Her eyes widen, and we both back up in shock.

 _Good. That made me feel better. I NEED to be upfront about this._

"I love you!" I declare, as I have on two other occasions. Somehow it never gets less exhilarating, fireworks exploding in my brain.

Kurisu's face looks it's about to burst into tears.

"I know." She breathes, drawing her hands close her chest. "You've told me twice already…"

I nod my whole body; the adrenaline makes me feel like I'm flying.

"Well?!" I stammer. "Of _course_ I'll miss you!"

She's standing still, looking very small.

"Technically, I've never told you." She whispers, eyelids fluttering. "I never got to you in time."

"What?" I stammer. "Told me…"

Kurisu turns around, face framed by the swaying mane of her reddish hair as she bathes in a beam of moonlight. Her blue eyes are shinning above a tiny smile.

"I love you too."

I can't think.

Everything rushes away from me at once. The only thing I can grasp is Kurisu's face, those words echoing inside of my tired head.

 _That's right. I've never actually heard her say those words. So weird that it didn't seem to matter much until this moment._

Reality is taking place in slow motion.

 _Perception of time is relative…_

Kurisu falls into me, grabbing my coat and leaning forward as she pulls me down into a passionate kiss.

I feel myself steady her shoulders, running my hand through her soft hair as we taste each other's lips.

It is very, very enjoyable, and once again I wish it would last forever.

But it doesn't.

Distantly, I hear a harsh noise followed by a flood of bright light. Kurisu cries out in alarm, abandoning my lips and burying her head into my chest. I grasp her and fall back, holding one arm out against the light.

A strange voice calls into the roof's darkness.

"HEY! What're you doing up here!? Don't move!"

 _What the hell?_

The light shudders back and forth, preventing me from making out who interrupted us.

"…yeah it's fine, just some kids making out. I'll chase them off."

Kurisu figures it out first. "Oh crap, it's a security guard!" She gasps quietly.

"No way!" I hiss, still clinging to Kurisu. "They never caught us is any of the other worldliness! We practically lived up here too!"

But I can tell she's right.

It's a short man with a blue outfit that very plainly declares SECURITY across the chest. He's pinning a flashlight on us, radio in his other hand.

 _Damn it! Neither Okabe Rintarou OR Hououin Kyouma can be foiled by someone this pathetic!_

I grasp Kurisu's hand firmly, leaning forward. "Let's escape!"

"What-?" she yelps, but I'm already dashing forward. Kurisu surges alongside me, hand in mind.

 _I've done something like this before… but those scenarios where much more terrifying, but less... embarrassing._

"HEY! Damn it, stop!"

The guard calls out to us, but I roughly push him aside and rush for the stairs.

The heavy panting of Kurisu and I echoes along the stairwell as we dash for freedom, light occasionally lashing through the dark building as the guard gives chase.

"…dammit they're running away!"

I hear him talking on his radio in the distance. No way he can catch us now!

"OKABE!"

Kurisu's voice forces me to halt. We've forced open the buildings doors and are standing in the empty road.

"Shit." I mutter. "No crowd to blend into at this time of night…"

Kuirsu tugs at my hand.

"The hotel!" She puffs, glancing nervously back at the swaying doors and then down the street in what I presume is the right direction.

"Brilliant!"

Once again we run, hand in hand, down the streets of Akihabara towards Kurisu's fancy hotel.

The night air is cool on my face, and for the first time in a very long time I feel like i'm living in the present.


	8. Chapter 8

"Whew!"

Kurisu tosses herself into the side of her bed as we walk into her apartment, throwing her arms across her face.

"That was _so_ embarrassing." She grumbles.

I begin to pace, shaking my head. "It wasn't right." I growl. "This cannot be the choice of Steins;Gate! What kind of worldline is this…"

I take out my phone.

"Yes it's me. We've been sabotaged."

I halt suddenly, opening my eyes in shock.

"What?! Continue the mission anyway? Do you know dangerous that is?! I can't agree to-"

I'm actually surprised as Kurisu leans forward and grabs my arm, gently puling me unto the bed.

I resist, refusing to fall unto my back and instead sitting on the edge of the mattress. She doesn't let go of my arm.

 _Is she ok?!_

Kurisu snakes her hand around my phone, taking it from and placing it to her ear.

 _What?!_

"Yes." She says into my phone, mocking my deeper voice for this greeting to a phone that's turned off. "I know. I can take care of it. You don't need to worry about him or the mission." Her eyes are glittering with mischief as she turns to me, expression deadly serious.

"El. Psy. Kongroo." She says, snapping the phone shut and handing it back to me.

My mouth is agape. I can feel the blush spreading across my cheeks, reaching all the way to my ears.

 _How_ ** _dare_** _she mock me!_

 _Even so, that… was strangely fantastic._

That look she's giving me… it almost seems familiar.

Even as the image is kind of hazy…

I remember Kurisu lunging towards me, body unsteady with alcohol, eyes gleaming almost just like this as she nearly assaulted me for some PDA.

 _Wait a minute… that never happened… or did it? This feeling…_

But Kurisu is sober right now! The adrenaline must have gone to her head!

She places a hand to her mouth, face red. "I can't believe I just did that." she breathes, gives a snort of laughter. "I'm hopeless."

"Uhhh..." I stall for time, trying to think up a clever response.

"I'm really hopeless." she says again, and leans up to peck me on the lips.

I nearly melt into the bed with surprise.

 _It's like that time, but a little less scary… I think this is okay..._

She bends away, drawing her hands to her chest in embarrassment. But I'm not one to be outdone, so I lean in and kiss her back.

 _That was a little clumsy. Damn. Still felt nice._

The next one lasts a lot longer.

I'm not used to having this kind of conversation with my body, but my brain is clouded with so much dopamine that I figure I'm too high to pull out of it.

 _We're still fully clothed, so hopefully nothing out of hand will happen…_

Still, I'm starting to feel bolder and more practiced with each kiss. I try to mix it up and go for her neck.

"Eep!"

I pull back in alarm as Kurisu gives a tiny squeak and strengthens her grip on my shoulders.

 _Oh shit, whoops!_

"Sorry!" I pull away, feeling guilty. "Sorry, Sor- "

Kurisu shakes her head, not bothering to brush the tousled hair out of her eyes.

"Don't stop…" she murmurs, so quite I can barely hear her. Before I can organize my muddled thoughts, Kurisu rushes forward and plants her own kiss on my neck, sending a lightening bolt through my body and mind.

 _Point taken._

I breathe in and repay the favor, brushing her neck with my stubble before I tease her soft skin with my lips.

"Yeah." she says quietly. "Just like that."

 _Nice. Good. I'm learning._

I am exceedingly careful not to fondle her in any fashion that might be deemed ungentlemanly, but the perverted genius girl seems to have less qualms as she sneaks her hand underneath my shirt.

Suddenly a jolt runs up my torso, and I give an involuntary gasp. Now it's Kurisu's turn to pull back, crying out in surprise.

"Sorry!" she squeals, and buries her face in her hands.

I've placed my hand own in the spot where hers was a moment ago, heart pounding.

"I-it's fine." I stammer. "You wanna see it?"

I lift up my shirt a little, revealing the twisting mass of scar tissue that her curious hands accidentally discovered. It's all that remains of the stab wound that I accepted in order to reach Steins;Gate.

 _I was shot and stabbed and punched and run over many times while I was racing through all those wordlines… but this is the only scar I've kept. I've never thought about that before._

Kurisu slowly peeks one eye out from behind her fingers, finally taking her hands away and studying the scar.

"It looks terrible." She breathes. "Okabe…"

"Y-you can touch it if I want, it's fine." I say, sounding a bit like a kid on a middle school playground, trying to get his peers to touch a scary wound on a dare.

 _I really want her hands on me again. Maybe I shouldn't…_

She gently places her fingers around the hand that's holding up my shirt, lowering it back over the scar. She brings her face close to mine.

"You're an idiot... but I'm so glad you survived that." She sighs. "So glad…"

She brushes my cheek before locking her lips to mine again.

We continue exploring like this for what must be an embarrassing amount of time, although my perception of time is predictably shattered.

 _15 minutes or 15 years? It's all relative, who cares…_

Eventually, we part. Kurisu gently pulls me down, and we lay close on the mattress in that dopamine cloud of pleasure. We've finally started to settle down, breathing becoming slower and more even.

Distantly, I hear some kind of weird sound. Like a drumming or something…

 _Oh._

Slowly and reluctantly I lean up a little, glancing out the sliding glass window.

 _It's rain._

That reminds me of something… Wasn't there something I was supposed to ask? Time… it was something I was worried about running out of…

 _Why? What was it…_

"Kurisu!" I cry suddenly, looking down at her as she brushes her hair away from her face and uncurls her arms a little. Her hair is still spread out across my hand, her body close to mine.

"Mmm hmm?" she says drowsily.

"Do-" I swallow. The words are still catching in my throat, even as my brain has all of that help from those feel-good chemicals.

"Do you wanna go out with me?"

It doesn't seem possible at this point, but I watch as even more blush spreads across her already flush face. I'm fighting the urge to dash out of the room.

 _I should have just texted it or something. I hadn't even planned to ask her today... what have I done?_

Regret floods into my mind, and with it anxiety.

 _Is this too soon? Did I ask at an inappropriate time? If she says no, can we still be friends?! Why would she say no?! Well, plenty of reasons! I ruined it! I'm such an idiot!_

She shakes her head in a noncommittal gesture, sitting up. "B-but I'm… I'm flying back to America in a few days!" she declares. "Okabe, I'm shocked!"

 _Oh no. Ohhh nooo..._

I don't say anything, but she clearly reads the crushing disappointment my face, drawing away from me. "You waited to ask that when I was in vulnerable position!" she wails. "You really are terrible!"

I shake my head dumbly, and reply honestly.

"I was just too nervous to ask until now."

She's looking away, one hand grasping the other arm across her chest. I suddenly realize that both her jacket and my lab coat are missing, cast aside in the heat of the moment.

"It'll be hard to be in a long distance relationship." she sighs. "We can't have moments like this, for example… and I'm always so busy in America… we'll be even more lonely…"

It's difficult to have your emotions go from dancing on a cloud to being plunged into the Marianas Trench, but I still manage some words.

"Ok…" I mutter. "You're right, I guess."

 _This feels awful._

Kurisu finally turns back, eyes bright. "No, that's not what I meant!" she gasps. "It'll be challenging, and rationally it's a very bad choice, I..."

Kurisu gets up off the bed and begins to pace in earnest. She covers her face with her hands, and I can't tell what she's trying to hide. Tears? Her blushing face? A smile? My heart is pounding in my ears, and I'm starting to feel kind of sick.

 _I know this is Kurisu we're talking about, but just this once... give me a straight damn answer!_

She makes some kind of squeak, suddenly wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I'm still in shock, so I sit like a stone as she hugs me tighter than ever.

I feel her whole body take a deep breath. Her voice is scarcely a whisper.

"I guess we can give it a try. Let's think of it... as an experiment."

My whole body involuntarily slumps as I feel a rush of vertigo on par with an actual worldline shift.

I answer her hug, burying my head into her shoulder. Since I'm seated on the bed, we are about the same height. It might be the hair that's tickling my eyelids, but I feel the sting of tears behind my eyes.

 _Of course it's enough for Kurisu to just be alive. But... maybe it's selfish... it feels so much better to have this chance at sharing my life with hers._

"Can I…" I begin. "I mean, you'll always be my loyal assistant, but what if I called you my girlfriend, assistant?"

I mean it, but the words sound so bizarre passing my own lips that I can't keep the sarcasm out of my tone.

Kurisu leaps away, flustered. She quickly rubs her eyes, but not fast enough to hide it from me.

She comes back with a glare. "N-no! I mean, maybe! I- ask in a few days, pervert!"

I open one eye and glare back at her. "How can I be a pervert if I'm your-"

"Ahhhh! You'll always be a pervert!" Kurisu waves her hand at me. "This is going to take some getting used to… can I take it back?"

I smile wearily. "No…"

Kurisu's expression is flat, but her reply is affirmative.

"Good. I need to shower now. Sayonara, pervert."

I call after her. "You can call me "boyfriend" now if you must insist!"

She vanishes into the bathroom, covering her face again. Soon I hear the squeak of the shower as she turns it on. I'm too exhausted to do anything but lie there and embrace the dizziness brought on by recent events, listening to the rain.

 _What's happening to me? I feel so afraid and so happy at the same time. What's the word for that... sublime?_

Eventually, she returns, damp hair clinging to her shoulders. She's wearing that girly pink nightgown in its entire splendor; no frumpy robe to cover it this time.

"You're still here?" she scoffs.

I shrug my shoulders and gesture to the glass doors and the rain outside.

"Where am I gonna go?" I say.

She sighs and strolls past me to stand in front of the doors. Slowly, I gather myself and my lab coat, getting off the warm bed and going to stand by Kurisu.

She looks rather cold in just that short nightgown…

I take my lab coat and place it over her shoulders, expecting a protest. Instead she accepts, actually placing her arms through it to put it on. It's comically large on her, but she seems happy to have it.

 _She really is my girlfriend now?! Wow..._

We stand side by side. Kuirsu speaks first.

"I wonder what I should do about America..."

"Huh?" I reply. "Nothing. You have important work to do there, assistant. You can't let me hold you back in a dull place like this."

Kurisu shakes her head. "This place isn't all that dull, really. There's lots of sightseeing that I haven't done in the rest of Tokyo, and..."

I cross my arms. "I really don't want to hold you back." I say again, with more confidence.

"Oh, shut up!" Kurisu growls. "What do you know about my work schedule in America anyway? I'm not worried about you "holding me back," don't give yourself that much credit."

 _Whew. As scary as ever._

"Ok then." I say. "Do whatever you want."

"Thanks." Kurisu chirps. "I will."

We stand in silence again, and I must admit I'm feeling a bit ruffled.

 _Would Kurisu really spend more time here just to be with me? I know it makes sense, but... it seems too good to be true!_

"You know…" I begin, still feeling awkward and keen on changing the subject. "I had a déjà vu back… there."

Kurisu gives me an incredulous glance.

"What? But how? You…"

I cross my arms and place a hand to my chin.

"It must have been recently… from the only time you used the Time Leap machine. It was in the stairwell of…"

Kurisu gives a squeak, covering her mouth.

"Oh my god!" She gushes. "You remember _that_?! Don't you ever talk about that! Don't you dare!"

She hugs the huge arms of the lab coat to her chest, pouting angrily.

"B-but…" I stammer. "Isn't that weird? I don't remember anything else from other timelines where I took different actions from the first! Just that one!"

Kurisu's voice is softened by curiosity.

"Hmmm… maybe…" she blushes. "Maybe it's because I was there? Maybe déjà vu really does have a lot to do with proximity to those you spent time with in other worldliness."

I shrug. "I mean, we don't have anything to disprove that. These conclusions really aren't scientific at all..."

Kurisu doesn't disagree, and the conversation fades.

I watch streams of rainwater drizzle down the glass, caught in the contours of the door. I enjoy observing the flickering light of my city through the gentle fog of rain. I steal glances at Kurisu now and again, but she seems lost in thought.

 _She's so beautiful when she gets that distant look… I've been thinking that a lot. It's probably just because she's always beautiful._

Carefully, haltingly, I inch my hand towards hers. To my surprise, she grabs it firmly and leans into my shoulder.

Together, hand in hand, we watch the rain pass by.

"I'm glad…" Kurisu says, squeezing my hand. "I'm glad we got to make some new memories in this worldline. I was getting tried of relying on déjà vu."

 _We are not bound to déjà vu_ _unless we choose to be._

I squeeze her hand right back as I work through a sense of surprise at her statement.

"You're… right." I reply. "And hopefully we can make a lot more…." My voice trails off, choked by uncertainty and surprise at my own boldness.

Kurisu smiles.

"The future is unknown, but we have every right to make it ours." she sighs, continuing.

"Memory is a fantastic phenomenon. But you know what…"

"Being here, in this exact moment of time, with you… is even better."

~fin~

 _Thanks for reading!_


End file.
